its my turn to be the envious one.
i never used to be the one who envy other's life,
but after all the obstacle i've been through,
i find my life just ain't getting better.
i always tell myself hope it gets better,
but hoping without trying is a different thing,
and trying without winning is another.
life's story is always about winning and never give up.
always to be strong and fight, step over the weak just to climb
for ourselves. and whats more, lifes too short.
as i sit and stare at the wall,
i saw my pass. how i struggle to become what i am now,
maybe its good or maybe its bad for others. whatever still,
i'm ashame of myself.
i ask myself why can't i love myself like how i love my bike,
like how i love my girlfriend.
everytime i fall in life, no matter how hard, i used to tell myself,
get up and fight and i live for no one.
but look how lifeless can i be now...
i can't find the happiness that i used to 'generate' myself just to cheer myself up.
i'm strugglin in my own life, its not about my job or career. its about my mix feelings and thoughts.
why can i just keep silent and not fight?
why must i keep everything inside?
is it for anyone or everyones' sake?
or just a precaution ?
i want to talk to someone all the feelings that i kept in me, the thoughts thats been pending,
and kept in me for only god knows how long.
i dont want to talk to someone who can only answer me "thats life"
i feel tired.
tired of myself.
love