everyone loves to live in a world where fantasy exist.
miracles and so much happily ever after.
however, i'm not the person who live by fantasies,
i have my own belief and i know 'love is everything'
is not everything in reality.
somehow i feel as though i am a very bad person,
and i have no space for them to stand in my shoes
and know exactly what i am thinking.
instead of talking of how i feel to anyone,
i pend them deep in my heart, and let it be gone,
no matter how hard it is for me to swallow,
i rather choke than spit.
because, i don't want other people to know how bad
the other party is if i told the whole story to others, no matter to who.
we are still humans and always jump to conclusions without thinking.
no matter how clever or high our IQ is, we are still humans and bound to make mistakes.
lately, my mind is playing all the bad memories that i wished it would not had replayed.
lately i like to stare and just cry badly without anyone knowing it.
i feel theres so much weight on me with all the things happening.
lately, i would asked myself,
is this the battle that i want to stand victory,
are all the fights i had, worth every pain and tears,
is everything worth at all?
when the battle ends, who am i?
am i just the person who fought for the things that i believe in?
but it makes no different to others as it takes much more than that?
if anything would happen.
please forgive me.
thoughts end.
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i've send so many many many resume,
but only like 2 reply via email saying they will contact me if
i am shortlisted. i need a job, a job so badly.
i want to support myself again, and definitely show my baby what i can do.
hope you could understand me what i'm going thru.
and yes, i understand and feel your pain.
love