why is that

Midnight Entry

i went over to the nearest coffeeshop for lunch from where i was working.

it was a bright sunny day but grey clouds soon took over the blue skies.

i sat for my meal, an Indian Chicken rice with a Herbal tea for my drink.

Being a big guy, i couldn't finish either the rice or the chicken, and halfway

through my meal, it started, a heavy downpour just beside where i was sitting.

i lost my appetite completely before i could.
i sat, i sat awhile more, just to get out from the office stress.

my mobile was beside me, but it was silent completely, no calls,

or even any text from anyone.

it was back in the office and tonnes of work i got to do,

multiple files of images i have to edit and re-edit.

My desk alone have 2 laptops and my own desktop,

whats next could be on my desk.

Nothing beats a msg sayin "How are you?" or "What are you doing?"

just to pause ourselves from the hectic world we're in.

i keep looking @ my phone's LED, to see if it is 'RED' to notify me

is there any msgs or any miss calls.

i feel, now, times has change and i like to just listen

instead of talking. i prefer talking and asking myself

doubts about myself.

i walked alone after alightin the bus, dark, breezy night amongst me.

the silence of the place serenates me, with all the thoughts in my mind.

As i walked above the bridge, i pause and look down the road, and,

thought to myself. Isnt it great to be higher from everything. Even the devil

in me playin the musicof tellin me, the 'what if' . . . . .

'what if' one day, i dissapear from everything, without knowin where

or why, who or when. 'What if' anything bad happen to me, will that

change the way people treat and look at me? 'What if' one day, i gave up,

i gave up my whole entire life. and if so..... what if.

if only i can dont see myself, or be myself, then i ought

to miss or love myself more, because seein myself

in this state, makes me more frustrated and look down on myself.

haiz. sobs.

i shall end my entry here.

sobs.