Trying to get out.
(Limited Edition Entry)
I lay down on the bed, staring up high on the ceilings and low on the walls,
took a deep breath of relieve or sigh of suffocation.
Just to reminisce all the past events or happenings that came through my life.
Life can be very hard for some, but for me, its been hard for sure.
Let me tell you a little story of mine, that which i would like it to stay as a
life's lesson for me, for a brand new me ever.
I struggle hard in academic but still i could only eat the smells
of the results which i thought i could deserves, left my bestfriend of 6years after PSLE,
as she went to Pierce Secondary and i moved on to Yio Chu Kang Sec,
There i see/saw/ feel how people treat US people differently, as though we're part
humanm part creature. I felt as a mutant in there strugglin to fit in.
But perseverance and moral builds in, confident burns for more as i got into the
Leadership program such as Student Councils & part of the Sports Leaders and get to know
alot of people whom i call friends and foes.
Brother/Sister hood were breed there naturally till now we're still as one,
but not sure about my 'Sister's' hood as we lost contact and people do change for better i hope.
It was fun to know and reflect what you will do for the person you like, and as written,
like is far different as love. It was Like at 1st sigh as i think its in me for fallin in like for a girl
who have fairness in their complexion. Tried to be her guy in those yearsm *LAUGHS* .
How funny can our younger be when we try to remember all the cute/stupid stuffs that hormones
did to us.
Live 4years ,happily honoured to be studying in there, ended my 'N' Level and walked out missing
the Great teachers who never gave up on me, to name a few, Mr Siva, Mdm Raudzah, and Mr Sng.
Continued life as a student in Digital Media Design and am proud to be the 1st batch of students,
been definitely through alot of ups and downs and lots of fake friendship around. But somehow,
i pulled through and cliques as close as brothers and sisters which i took 1 to be my own.
That struck to be my life as i could imagine, was head over heels over her, but somehow due to some
issues, our r/s had to be broken, and honestly, never felt as heartbroken as that before in my life as it was my 1st. I suffer from sadness to hatred more and family issues aint helping either so does everything.
i lock my heart, lock myself to cold turkey treatment for my heart and cries everytime i thought about her.
Till a day i realise what she did to me was not for me to think anymore as took it as a sweet dreams that wont last, i wont look back. But sometime the feelings and politics of the streets makes you think and feels
of why did it must happened to me in this life. Me, am i not good enough.
Soon enough i realise its not me who is not good enough, it might be her who isn't. I took a job at a spa as a General Worker to earn myself a living and to feed myself a decent meals and also it might helps to forget whatever shits that had happened. Heart was healed, but the cracked is still visible for me to feel. Almost gave up on my life that very day, and when things got worst, family issues again crops up. Mum doesnt know what i'm facing, and she blames me for everything that went wrong in the house. Dad was never around at home as he is working every night.
It took me few years to forget what had happened, the right words are not to forget what had happened as
i could remmeber till now how bittersweet it goes, but to let past happen as it is.
Graduated with the GPA i never though i could get, was high for me, but sadly was low for Polys.
Was so desperate and devastated, i thought to myself, i had nothing else as theres no schools for me to go to and Private education is out of the options.
I stood at the terminal and took a deepbreathe as i click 'submit' on the ITE portal.
i enrol myself for HNitec in the EAST, and there i see my friends are not to my taste.
As most of it are either geeks or nerds and thankfully, The friends i made, are wonderful.
Talents in every each of them, learn much and gain much from them too.
Took some right and wrong choices too, till now i feel guilty for hurtin someone's heart and maybe broke it too, as all i want is attention and to forget what had happened to me before, in months time, broke up with another girl and i never felt so bad in my life, but yet again got caught up again in some crush situation where
i would just sit and admire her from afar even though shes in my class, got to speak to her, we did
school projects with each other, stayed in school and head back home together.
But its just crush and nothing else, we're just friends and learned from her a few and vice versa.
Took the opportunity to be the Designin lead in the group and all goes to plan till the day of presentation,
i did not know what came to me or what brought me to explain my product wrongly. i was proud as the Lecturer incharge gave me the full opportunity to excel in the design, but i feel dumb and useless. I screw up the presentation just by saying and explainin the wrong thing, and also i didnt got informed of how the procedures are like, but i don't blame them. i blame myself as i was the presenter that day.
Went home feelin useless.
Months passes by and i tried to forget for what had happen and took the high way in life.
Never turned up for classes/ tutorials etc. i would just think of work even though its schooling days back then, work the place where i find happiness as customers appreciate the stuffs that you did for them. Having a great Boss, who respect for everything i said and do. Never felt home then too.
Soon enough i saw my grades dropping, dropping drastically. I looked at my statements, and sigh.
But never do anything about it, why. Because i'm tired of trying. And soon before i knew it, its the end
of the 1st year and its time for Attachment.....
Got to be the Technical Assistant @ MobileOne, M1 at Jurong. How far can it be it is.
Got to know my attachment mates. Haidhar, Syaddieq, Ya Yi......
but i shall cut short....
and the name i mention, Ya Yi, known as Jasleen now, is my proudly known as my girlfriend.
:)
She is the girl that i saw in Lecture Hall, who sat behind me without her knowing, but all i could do is to see her from far as she got someone else and i was afraid it could just be another crush and i dont want to dissapoint myself either. So there i go living the high life, work.
But somehow, got to know more about her in M1,
that...
changes my life my friend,
change thinkin and open my heart
and forget about the hatred that i bare against anyone.
I still could remember of how we could just spend hours over the phone whispering sweet nothings till
its 5am in the morning and its time for school. i can still remember of how she smile at me when she walked pass my classroom and the split second of lookin at each other before other people sees us. We sms-ed, chat, shared. Lots had happen, definitely could remember she bought me my 1st birthday present from her, a ADIDAS jacket that i bluntly request, didnt thought she would buy it, but she bought it.
Shes always been there for me. i understand i broke her heart alot of time, and i refuse to apologise as i could be a stone head. In fact both of us are stone headed. Won't give up in proving we are right. i would like to thank her for being with me till now and go through my shits and stuffs. As i also know i been through hers too. We been through alot even before relationship, as she can't commit on my side due to the religion practice. But thankfully, shes able to now, i'm sorry for the hardship i cause you and thanks for being understanding and i know it cause you un-easiness at some cost, but you know i can't do anything too.
We been through alot together but i gave a few,
i know we have friends out there who is always not ready
in accepting us, mock us and even say things bad about
me/you just to break us part, but, it takes much more than just
words to break us apart. You told me i'm not the typical malay guy
that you might know, thanks as for i like it this way, and for who i am.
Alot of people/friends/outsider take me as a typical malay
and start to question you on marriage etc.
And for what you have listen to my side of story,
you know what i want and what i dream in our future.
I tell myself, so what if someone says that you will be marryin
a typical malay guy and have a typical void-deck wedding and a typical
bike as a transport. I don't care anymore.
Cause you also have to tell yourself this,
that someone dated a malay guy too, who i think
much more typical than me.
Love You, sweetheart.
xoxoxoxo
